jan 30

sat. jan 30. 2010.

mother, i will hold you
i will bear your burden
i will be your shield,
best as i can
as you have been mine

jan 29

fri. jan 29. 2010.

should have stayed home.
this house is too loud and
its occupants too ignorant.

jan 27

thurs. jan 27. 2010.

lately i just want to sleep.

i got a few cryptic text messages from girls in our singing group bella voce. i hadn't seen my friend katie yet, so i started getting really worried that something had happened to her. lauren asks me to meet her outside the library. i get out there, and the SAI girls are out there. they break into song and hand me this rose. :)



"and she met a booooy!!"
silly kid.

jan 27

wed. jan 27. 2010.

i...
[really, i'm just lonely,
and i like the way you hold me.
i won't love you like that
but i could love you.
i think you're strange and beautiful
but i know that isn't enough.
not really interested in
falsely defining whatever we are.
but, why the hell not?
.. there are so many reasons.
we don't care.]
yes.

jan 26

tues. jan 26. 2010.

press me to the wall and pull me into bed
no don't
no do
no take my hand, and soothe my mind

you're just a distraction
i have this attraction
to what i wish i could be

which is: articulate, blunt,
with a crest, orbit, colgate smile

i don't give a damn about your bad reputation

i can't help but wonder why you bother
to stick around after one night
when you're so
you
and i'm a fool

jan 25

mon. jan 25. 2010.

this is all getting to be too much
or not enough

jan 24

sun. jan 24. 2010.

the people i like best are the ones that surprise me.

jan 23

sat. jan 23. 2010.

it's not so much the cold, it's the perpetual grey that gets to me.
set against the red bricks, the accent of purple and gold-- colours
of royalty, but this place is the pits. y'all're all smart but we've
got some cleaning up to do, some class to practice; i love this place
for what it can be, and i want to see it that way someday.

jan 22

fri. jan 22. 2010.

i am diminishing
i am cold, i do not blush
i laugh loud and talk pretty
but i don't really feel like anything

jan 21

thurs. jan 21. 2010.

i want lightning
i want flames
i want blonde hair
the most i taste of passion
is gospel melody
i want it in everything

jan 20

wed. jan 20. 2010.

i'll make a little universe to run to






espresso
even though the sleep
is in my eyes, not my mind

mind full of philosophy,
some pish posh, some rendering me
breathless, fading into blue

jan 19

tues. jan 19. 2010.

head in a vice
hang it low
lay it down
where do i go
when you're not around
back to the calendar
to mornings i can't enjoy
to a body knotted and tired
i already miss you, boy


my roomate's unfortunate addition to my bulletin board, promptly removed.
my photos from here until may will suck.

jan 18

mon. jan 18. 2010.

i'm back at college. i used up all my pretty words today in a letter.


my bed, before we moved it; it's now bunked, hopefully more sturdy this time. my room looks big because there's 4 girls living in it.

my desk.

our door, decor added at 3 am one night last semester

:)

jan 17

sun. jan 17. 2010.

the day of the next equinox, i want the trees to shake, then sprout green. i don't want waiting.



dats a closeup of mah face.

jan 16

sat. jan 16. 2010.

you don't look lusty.
you look like you like me.

"we're one religion away from being married."



but i know i'm naive.
i see what i want to see.

jan 15

fri. jan 15. 2010.

how do i convince you that life is beyond beautiful, even in its tragedy? or that to feel is a blessing, and not our curse? or that you are loved, completely? because i know you've heard all these promises, and i know they've fallen through. i can talk all i want, but you won't believe a thing. i suppose i could show you, but you'd have to see. and that's on you.






"if i let my mind blur, the static and muffled voices on the radio sound more like rain, and i can lay here pretending it's summer. the pianos playing tangos are drowned, down to a whisper.
i wish all the pointless conversation and witless banter and the sounds the world makes when it's greedy and buzzing and hopeless, would turn into summer rain."

jan 14

thurs. jan 14. 2010.

strange how the most mediocre days can be wrought with wonderful things.



stop that, step down, step away
from things that buzz, and from your notions
you're dumb, but you're learning:
it's not about stability,
it's all about motion

jan 13

wed. jan 13. 2010.

i have nothing intelligent to say. i'm watching america's next top model, from 2003. my iq is currently about 4.

jan 12

tues. jan 12. 2010.

sleepsleepsleepsleepsleep
donothingdonothingdonothingdonothing
eateat
donothingdonothingdonothingdonothing
takeapicture
facebookfacebook
donothingdonothingdonothingdonothing
sleepsleep

portrait of a free girl:
free i am named
yet bound i became
by boredom by anticipation of fate
so in this poem i create
loose lines and nonsense
do not punctuate do
not masticate do
not make sense
DONT DO IT
ITS NOT WORTH IT
blame mass culture and machines
blame your mom and magazines
but i made myself my own queen
and i think its time for the overthrow
COUP DE TAT
or something like that
make this poem a noose
and hang the stupider part of myself.

jan 11

mon. jan 11. 2010.

out of sight, out of mind.
how long can we stay blind?



i would like to spend one more night with you before i go. can we do that?
secrets and surprises: i'm full of them. i am full of lava lamp lava, tap shoes, iced java, forced rhymes and wind chimes and things sublime, sometimes byronic, sometimes non-rhythmic, or rather i like to change it; i'm full of drawings i can't draw and words wrong and words raw; i'm full of laughter and tricks, full of wanting wit, i'm full of shit.
really i just like to see how much i can rhyme, sometimes.

jan 10

sun. jan 10. 2010.

time to make like a stone and roll.

this might be a long post, or maybe a brief and pitiful droning.

how do i describe today?
today i realized
the music we make
won't make you want me,
kittens love elbows
and margarine is not a proper substitute for butter.
i love naps on the couch,
i love that house,
i love the way that families
say each other's names.
i wish there were less danger,
i'd walk everywhere,
i'd talk to strangers.
only there.
i love my grandpa and his stories
and his wit.
i feel each day i'm becoming
what we're all meant to be:
which is more of you,
and less of me.