Sunday, December 26, 2010

dear reilly (a response to his lonely ramblings)

Love never leaves us.

Sometimes, we just forget or refuse to accept its presence, either because we don't believe in it anymore or we are aching for the past or something along those lines.

But love is not necessarily constant. It can change shape. A lover can become a friend, or a friend a lover, or friends can fill in the gap a lover leaves-- love changes faces and contexts and action and merit, but it is still there.

You have been loved, and you are loved, and you will be loved.
Let it happen.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

me away lay
me low scatter me
my seedy potential
too much sun too much
and i will

Monday, November 15, 2010

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Monday, November 8, 2010


i could stay
cling to-- illusion?
in a quivering limbo
thinking if only i could hold still
i could make things right

but what i need
is to unravel
raise myself on my toes
and fall without looking
into all that there really is

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

something about wind

gust, ruby waves, a flame
beating and calling and breaking
the tame, the hold placed on souls
that hold their own breath;
that mutter more but will
not chase; that catch
their writhing tongue behind
their teeth; bound wrists like
lakeless fish; fingers shiver
for flight- to flee, to breach

blowing through me and
catching in my chest-
spin, build, stir, brush
up next to the harsher parts of me,
hardly internal, that bruise
slowly the vulnerable in others;
erode both fa├žade and truths
that should not be true
and leave me human, only.

sweep my skin as you pass
and glassy eyes go dry and ask
do you feel? yes; less:
heavy and penurious and pressed
hollowed now and thirsting
for movement, to be
drowned in another's depth, to
be full and still
filled more, for foreign hands
and minds and a certain kind
of alone, for an expanse within,
to be gradual in gain, sudden
in knowing, to be wind.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Monday, October 11, 2010

was it wednesday

no no no no no
means nothing when he's
got it in his head that
this is all for him

but no after that first kiss, sweet
and rare as you made it seem,
was still no

no, with my wrists together and
my chest heaving and
my head beating

no, facedown with my fingers
grabbing at the sheets
anchoring for a pull away
away and fast, now

no, shoulders pinned
man on my back
the dark burning scarlet

i let you walk me home
and tug at my clothes
but i said no

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

she strays

i don't quite know how i ended up on the pavement, the bathroom floor, barely breathing between you and the back of your couch and i don't know if this means you want me or if you just want.

i do know that the dreams in which you love me weren't real. not yet at least; and they may never be.

so strange to wake up and find you just out of my reach.

Sunday, August 22, 2010



photos by gavin, editing by me

Friday, August 20, 2010

today's project

hopefully i'll have enough time to do this, and enough patience, and enough honesty.

i want to get this shot before i leave for school (tomorrow)::
where i was and where i am

cliche, perhaps, but necessary i think. gavin may be helping me.
this will actually be a series and getting it done in one day will be a bit of a feat.
the series will begin with darker images, grungy but not dirty, angsty but not emo. bits of loneliness, hiding, confinement, limbs weaved and bent and strained. there will be one shot in this first part in which the subject is dance. the second part of the series will be a little lighter, determined and assured and cleansed, though not pure. there will still be a certain strain in these photos, but it will come from ambition rather than pain.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010